It’s a Canadian tradition. With the waning winds of winter, and the hopeful beckoning of the longer days of spring around the corner, we know Easter isn’t too far away. And, being that I’m not the most religious of men anymore (surprise, surprise, surprise!), and my waistline is in nearing-middle-age full-effect, it’s no doubt that I’m awaiting the true meaning of Easter – CHOCOLATE!!!
But – WHAT the FUCK has happened to my beloved Cadbury Creme eggs?!?!?!?
I was out on a bit of a shopping mission today (the simple execution of which was relatively flawless considering the weather around here lately), when I found these Canadian-centric treats at the grocery store. While out perusing the aisles for goodies for the kiddies for Valentines Day (surprise, surprise that the stores are a month or two ahead in their displays, for fuck’s sakes), I saw some Easter stuff on display. One item in particular always stands out to me – Creme Eggs, by Cadbury.
For those not in the know, these are a Canada-only (to the best of my knowledge) offering done by Cadbury. A basically life-size egg, made of a rich milk chocolate shell, and filled with a sweet confectioners-icing liquid-candy center of white and yellow goodness (to resemble an egg’s cooked colours). These things have been around since about the early- or middle-80’s (again, to the best of my knowledge). Every Canadian now-grown-up-but-former-80’s-kid remembers these due to the “Cadbury Creme Egg bunny” commercials at that time, different variants of which all mostly featured a live white bunny rabbit going “bock bock bock” like a clucking chicken. Ridiculously true…
And as those whose parents’ finally succumbed to the pressure and bought these for us knows, hell hath no fury like the feeling when we bit into them and then promptly writhed and screeched in agony after realizing that we neglected to remove all of the tinfoil wrapper which we had chomped down on.
Yes, these things were wrapped in a thin tinfoil-like wrapper of purple, red and yellow. And you’d be fucked if you could be able to remove all of it – usually, there was a small piece or two which would stick to the seam lines of the chocolate shell where the creamy center leaked out and became a superglue-like holder of said tinfoil.
But therein lied the attraction to these candies. If you WERE able to remove all of the tinfoil, it was a Herculean task, and led to just THAT much better of an enjoyment of the chocolately and creamy deliciousness inside. It’s a Canadian tradition, dammit. That’s why my wife and I have delighted in giving one of these every Easter to our kids as they grow. And why we’ve always brought boxes and boxes of these to Cuba to give as treats to the maids and service staff at the resorts (rather than the typical toothbrushes and pencil crayons that every other tourist seems to bring). And now, it appears, Cadbury has absolutely fucked with my world.
In my shopping trip today, upon coming across these little chocolate eggs of glory, I came across this…
Now…Cadbury…WHAT the FUCK is THIS?!?! Is there no stop to the plastic-ization of our world??? The colourful tinfoil wrap has been replaced by a shitty plastic half-and-half shell covering, a pale imitation of its former self. It’s so utterly utilitarian. So sterile. So impersonally easy to open and enjoy. The added treat of a tinfoil-free unwrapping-achievement has been ungraciously stolen from both myself and future generations.
This is GODDAMMED UNFORGIVABLE!!!!
Mmmmm. But they still taste so freakin’ gooooooooooood!!!!
EDIT – dammit!!!!! Scratch that. After cracking into one tonight, and Googling for more, I’ve read (and now tasted) the sacrilegious difference – it’s not the same Cadbury’s Dairy Milk milk chocolate. Dammit Cadbury / Kraft!!!!!!!!!!!!!!